March 10, 2011
“Are you kidding me?” ---- “I can’t believe you are doing this to me!” -----“This just isn’t fair”
Have you ever heard those words or similar words from an employee? Have you ever had to handle a situation where an employee is so upset they become very emotional? If you haven’t and you are in management, you will. It’s just a matter of time.
Avoid Confrontation
Anytime you're dealing with an employee who's disappointed, avoid getting emotional or confrontational, regardless of the employee’s attitude. Disarm the confrontation and diffuse the emotion simply by using words and phrases indicating you care about the employee and understand his or her concern. The most powerful words you can use are, “I understand, and we're sorry this happened.” You can apologize for something that has occurred even if it’s the employee’s fault. For sure, you're sorry that the employee really messed things up, and it's okay to express disappointment as long as you do it without criticism. Knowing someone is disappointed in you or knowing you failed to meet someone’s expectations often reaches deeper inside than any kind of reprimand or “constructive criticism."
Other phrases you can use include:
- I’ll take care of this.
- I understand why you're upset.
- I’d feel the same way.
- I’ll check into this situation right now.
- We had a misunderstanding. Please, let’s take this opportunity to fix it.
- How can we work on this together?
Complaining is a Message
A complaining employee is sending you a message, and you must determine exactly what that message is. Does it have merit? Is the employee just whining? Is the employee utilizing complaints to cover his or her own short comings? How serious is the issue? Some employees who feel you have not met their expectations don’t say anything, they just shut down. They do only what they have to do. In other words, they never release the discretionary energy, which enables them to strive to exceed expectations. If an employee is unhappy in his or her job and doesn’t say anything to you at all, chances are you have not earned his or her respect as a manager. So, view a complaining employee as an opportunity to build relationship equity, an opportunity to earn his or her trust and respect. That doesn’t mean you have to "kiss up" and do anything the employee wants. But it does mean you should listen to every complaint. If it’s just whining, don’t be afraid to tell the employee he or she is whining. And if that’s the case, make sure you know the facts and you're on solid ground. After all, the employee will also make a judgment as to how well you handle his or her complaint¾how you handle the situation. If you handle it right, you may gain even more loyalty.
Show Compassion
Showing compassion for the employee’s situation and empathizing with his or her feelings is a powerful substitute for becoming defensive and argumentative. A solution cannot be reached until your employee feels your concern through your attitude, your tone and other communication signals. Compassion and empathy demonstrate a concern and respect for the employee even if you have to enforce policy and tell the employee he or she is wrong.
No matter what the situation, don't lose control, and don’t be argumentative. Focus on solving the problem and showing the employee you’re concerned about his or her feelings. Stick to the facts, and then determine what the problem is. Determine what it's going to take to correct the problem. Figure out what it will take to retain the employee relationship. Sometimes just solving the problem isn’t enough. It’s how you solve the problem and how you make the employee feel about the interaction to reach the solution.
What if the Situation Warrants a Reprimand
It's probably a rare circumstance where an employee will come to you with a self-incriminating complaint. However, a complaint by an employee could cause you to investigate a situation and determine the complaining employee was so out of line or violated policy in such a manner that some form of reprimand is necessary. Regardless of the circumstance, its imperative the employee has a complete understanding as to his or her personal responsibility in the situation.Remember: Coaching and mentoring is key to effective leadership, but it does not mean that you abandon your managerial responsibilities.
The majority of employees are coachable and want to do a good job, exceeding all expectations. But, majority does not mean 100%. You have to know when to change from "coach" to "manager." It's not an impossibility that you may have hired the wrong person; we all make mistakes. Don’t over-invest in an employee that just isn’t going to be the right fit for the job. A key to making that determination is attitude. How does the employee respond to your guidance, your help, your suggestions and your questions?
An effective leader will use the "servant supportive" leadership style more than 95 percent of the time. The key to a leader's effectiveness is knowing when to use the "autocratic dictatorial" style.
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